Breaking the Stigma

I've been putting this thought together for the last few days. I know how little people enjoy reading long rants, so I'll try and keep this simple while still getting the point across.
Our technology has outran our thoughts. It's gone past us. Now I know that is something you've probably heard people say but, in all likelihood, you've never really taken the time to consider what that really means.
When a scientist or politician, or really anyone, says this they are generally stating their fear that we'll destroy ourselves with our technology. But the truth is, well, far more terrifying than that.
The truth is that our technological growth is the source of our unhappiness as a species. And I don't mean that somehow tech somehow magically makes us unhappy. Trust me, this isn't religious in nature. This is because we are so focused on making faster, better computers that we aren't taking the time to THINK. And I mean have really, truly deep thoughts.
One thing I see common in science is the belief that philosophy is outdated. Primarily that it really serves no purpose. Well, I'm here to say that the use of philosophy has nothing to do with learning about our universe nor does it have anything to do with progressing as a species in terms of our knowledge. Philosophy is the fount of joy. It is the fount of excitement. Because philosophy births epiphany and epiphany is the cradle of awe.
So, if you're like me, and one of the many people who find something missing from their lives. I suggest you take up deep thought. I suggest you cease the needless and mindless routine of life, and make deep thought the fashion of your existence. I suggest you don the beauty of realization and sudden wonderment to find peace and joy in every moment of your life.
I know I promised to make this a short post but I just can't do that in good conscious. The truth is that our world is suffering from a dis-ease. A pandemic of the mind and heart, the soul and the passion. The sparks are running dry and the wonderment of life is simply fading. Because nobody in their right mind should be satisfied seeing those pictures on fb saying, "You go to school for 12 years. College for 4 (or more). Then work until you die, or retire. And if you retire, you sit on park benches and feed pigeons until you die."
So, if you are one of those people who feel like their life is missing something. Then please let me know. Talk to me. And, more importantly, go out and do something with your life. Simply sitting in a dark room and thinking, or reading (which is just as beautiful and awe-inspiring) isn't enough. You have to LIVE your philosophy. You have to EXPERIENCE your deep thought in action. And I don't just mean "go out and get a job". I mean "Go out and do something fun." And I don't mean once a week or so. I mean every day. Every chance you have a free moment where you aren't working or studying. I mean... go out and see the world. Appreciate the feeling of the sun on your skin, go talk with a friend, go to the lake. Go do whatever it is you can do. Do anything you can do. Whatever it is. No matter how trivial. No matter how simple. Do it and while you do it suck in every last moment and love every last second. Because if you do not break the cycle of your daily life you will slowly descend into stagnation, into madness, and eventually into ruin.
I am of the opinion that every marriage ends due to these feelings. I am of the opinion that every "mistake" we make in a relationship is due to these feelings. I am almost entirely sure that every time we do something wrong, not just messing something up but seriously doing something we regret, is because we are so wrapped up in the cycle of life that we literally would do anything to escape it. And if you want to escape that cycle there's really only one way. You have to shatter it utterly by taking EVERY SINGLE SECOND you have free to THINK. To ACT. To DREAM.

Dear Reader, The Human Condition

Dear Reader,
-The Human Condition-
               This post may be a bit of a strange one for some of you. It's a philosophical break-down of a poem I've recently written. I realize that poetry isn't exactly the most beloved form of literature in our days, and that philosophy is considered kind of outdated. But, truth be told, every author is a philosopher, and by extension every reader is a student of Philosophy.

                 That having been said, I'm going to assume that even if my word choice isn't exactly appealing, you'll still find yourself enjoying this post.

   Here's the poem, firstly:

With an ache in our brain,
Mankind walked out of the mud.
We sought out truth,
And we didn't always find it.
Soon we began to realize,

That the ache in our brain was understanding.
The understanding that something is amiss.
The knowledge that the world is empty,
And something here isn't real,
Something doesn't make sense.
With an ache in our brain,
Mankind walked out of the mud.
With an ache in our brain,
Mankind shakes the metal bars of reality,
Crying, "Let us out, Let us out!"

Secondly:
      The break down is pretty simple. This is the Human Condition. Exactly what the human condition is, defined by Wiki and several other sources, is pretty much everything that a human in society and life goes through. Part of that is the constant search for meaning and understanding in our world. Well, I've figured something out through thought and, to put it simply, talk with other people. The "Search for understanding" is merely the side affect for the true "Human Condition". The real dis-ease of the human heart and mind isn't the presence of ignorance, or the lack of knowledge, but the sickening madness that infects all of mankind. It's as if somewhere in the heart of our DNA is a pulse being sent out, this pulse is some twist of our make up that leaves a hollow feeling in our hearts. Scientists, and by extension Alchemists in the olden days, will call it ignorance. Some of our more modern day people might call it a broken heart, and blame it on the lack of a love life or a lustrous, adventurous life. 
          Whatever you call it, those things are merely the side-effect. The way your mind interprets the emptiness of what's inside you. But, I'm here to tell you that it isn't something inside you that you're missing. It's something the universe itself is missing. If we think long and hard, open our minds to what we're afraid most to admit, we'll soon realize that it's actually our world we find to be empty.
          The Buddhists were the first to figure it out and make peace with it. Buddha described the emptiness of the world as a kind of Law of Physics. A truth that nothing is real in our world, that it's all empty, yet it somehow, mysteriously, still exists. We quirked our eyebrows at it as Buddhists but we merely stated that it as part of some grand truth, the "Enlightenment" so sought out by the people of that religion.
           Many other people in the world for most of our history merely saw this as some strange quirk of that religion. Though, occasionally, some westerner would get a glimpse of how true this was, and that's where we get the Buddhists and the neo-spiritualists. But, what the truth is, is that science has revealed how very true that is in a very non-mystified way. The truth is, we are made up of Atoms. And those atoms are 90% (or more) empty space. Everything is made up of atoms except for light (energy.). And even Light makes no sense, being this strange mix of both particle and wave that leaves us wondering about the truth of its existence. And then we're even more befuddled and disturbed when we realize that whether or not the light (or electron, depending on which double-slit experiment we're talking about) behaves as a wave or a particle is entirely dependent on how we observe it. As if reacting to our knowledge of it. This questions its existence even further. How can something that is true, undeniable, non-sentient, behave differently just based on how we are observing it?
            This leaves us lost, confused, and suddenly that void becomes more threatening and violent. Because, it makes no sense. It doesn't add up. And it's not just the light or the electrons; and it's not just our atoms or our lives. It's everything. Nothing makes perfect sense, and there's something wrong with our world.
          The truth behind truths? We aren't driven to knowledge by our ignorance; rather, we are driven to knowledge by our understanding that the universe is false, and the fear to admit this understanding and the fear of admitting this as a fact drives us away from our "Human Condition" and propels us toward attempting to find a quick-fix for the side-effects (the need to know more) instead of facing the real problem- the world, the universe, it's all empty; and we want out.
           We want out, so we face the bars of our farce prison of a reality and shake them, crying out "let us out, let us out!"

Bored

I am so completely bored. I got a text today from an old friend; in fact, an old girl friend. She's been living on her own lately; first time, I think, ever. She was drunk, go figure, and was talking to me about how completely bored she is. About how living alone was so lonely. She told me, "I am thinking of just running away. Giving up and saying fuck it to life before killing myself."
Well, as I'm sure you'd guess, I gave her the usual bullshit about her being too good for that kind of crap, blah blah blah. I mean, don't get me wrong. At least with her, it's true. She is way too smart to go blowing it. But, you know what? I see where she's coming from.

Not too long ago, about... I'd say about four months to a year ago- being the last time I recall thinking about what I want in life- my life's goal was to have a job, get married, start and support a family, get published, send my kids to college, die happy. But, recently, I've decided this isn't what I want anymore. Maybe I'm jaded, maybe I'm just finally 'acting my age'. Who knows. But what I know is that what I want now is nothing short of a well paying job, my own apartment, my internet buddies and wow, and to get published.

I don't care about falling in love. I don't care if I'm alone- in fact I prefer to be alone, I'd rather not have to rely on another person. People are complicated. They aren't like having a pet or a having another piece of furniture in the house. They are a part of reality in ways that nothing else can be compared to them. You're inviting another set of motives, motives you can't know, another set of goals and ideas- also things you can't truly know without a doubt- and, well, a new PERSON. They can be insane, and in fact you can be assured you'll think of them as such once they've shown their full colors. They are another living being, raised in another fashion, with a completely different set of values. So different from you, that they might as well be alien.

Why the hell would I want to live with that? I can live with my father. He's my father. We have a lot in common. Enough in common that it's just like having another me in the house but with a few hundred extra pounds. No big deal.

I'm sorry, I'm ranting now. But, in all sincerity, I'm trying to make a point here. Whatever happened to that part of me that as an idealist? The one that was hoping for huge things? I don't care about success anymore. I don't care about a house and a yard and a doggie and a few happy kids. I don't give a shit about the beautiful wife anymore. I just want freedom away from the responsibilities of having to live for anyone other than myself. I am more than enough for me to handle without some other doucher coming and demanding my attention and cash.

So, I can see why my old friend is so depressed. She's been cut short of what she wants. Me? I would feel the same way if I suddenly couldn't achieve my goals. I would probably feel like curling up and dying under a bridge myself if, all of a sudden, I had to effing rely on someone else. Not because I am insecure, or because I don't trust people. But because I just don't give a shit. My own ideals would clash with the situation. I would want to take care of them, because that's how I was raised and because I'm a realist and I know once the responsibility is there it has to be taken care of. But, I won't want to. I will hate it.

She's the same way but for a different reason. She's lonely and doesn't think that way I do. She's lonely and needs someone around with her. I don't know why. I can't imagine what the hell having another person around for is good for anymore in these days other than a drain on your wallet and an increase in your rent. People are just so... dull.

I don't know. I'm sure there's plenty of interesting people in the world I wouldn't mind meeting and talking to. I have nothing against having friends and having them visit and vice versa. But living with them? Ugh.. the idea just kind of makes me sick.

But, anyways. The point I was trying to make is that people have their values in life. What they want out of their day, week, month, year, and life. Whether they get that is up to how actively the seek it. My old friend just isn't seeking company sincerely enough. If she wanted to, all she'd have to do is call me up and she knows I'd come running. I may not be able to live with most any other living beings on this planet, but there was a reason I was with her to begin with. I may not be an idealist anymore, but I am not ignorant to the possibilities either. There's a rare few people I could deal living with. But good god almighty if there's more than one other person living under a roof with me I swear one of us is going to end up dead. It'll probably be me, lol.

But, alrighty, I think I've effectively ranted enough for the night. I promise I'll try and come up with something more interesting and less depressing next time. Good luck and have fun, humanity.

Writing and Reading

My name is Paul Thomas Kostelich; I'm 21 years old. I live in a city called Federal Way, just south of Seattle, Washington.
The world here is very different from what I grew up knowing. I'd been raised in Las Vegas, by my aunt and uncle  Through a series of rather dull events that I just don't care enough about to mention, I ended up living here with my father. 

It's easy. And not easy. We live on section 8, welfare, food stamps, social security. The whole lot of crap. 

My life's story isn't why I'm writing, and I won't be going over that long, boring tale. It's not worth your time. But, what I will tell you, is some of my thoughts and the events of my days.
You see, I spend my spare time writing poetry and working on several novels and a fan-fiction based on the show "supernatural"; and, of course, World of Warcraft. If I'm not doing any of that, I'm eating, sleeping, takin' a shit or filling out an application for work.
I play WoW with several friends I've gathered over the years of playing that game; and I consider them very close, like family.

Now, a few hours ago, I was sitting in bed bored out of my mind because my laptop - which I purchased using funding for my college- and I realized something: there is not one single book in my collection of two hundred or so that actually catch my interest anymore.

I was left wondering what happened to the days when I could read the Harry Potter books back to back fifty times a month and be completely content. I was left wondering if I were getting older and turning into another of the mindless drones of society who never open a book past high school because, well, why bother when you've got WoW and television? Of course, I'm proud to say I haven't turned that god aweful machine (the tv) on in over a year. But that doesn't negate the sudden disinterest I had in reading.

This is a big deal. At this age the only thing I wanted in life was a good paying job, my own apartment, my laptop and enough money to pay for the net and WoW, as well as time to write. This is a big deal because a writer with no interest in reading is no writer at all. Reading is absolutely fundamental to writing, and the scary thing is- I'd only just recently learned why it's so utterly important.

Now, in case you don't know yet, it's important to read as a writer because it gives you the perspective you need as a writer on different writing styles. It helps you place yourself as a writer in terms of your style, ability, and general interests in genre and "person placement" (1st vs 3rd person perspectives). It's also generally fascinating to see how other author's word things, it can inspire you to do a bit of creative writing that, well, well out-does anything you've done previously. Not because you've copied or hacked off another author, but because you've suddenly seen a more complete horizon of what you, as a human and as an individual, are capable of in terms of writing.

It's also just damn blasphemous to be a writer and not a reader. But, that's subjective.

Anyways, I realized later tonight that I'd just matured as a reader. I couldn't keep reading the same crap over and over again, even if I were reading it as a professional now and not just as a means to pass time and entertain. I just don't have the mindset necessary to do it.

So I go out, I find a few new pieces of writing, get a couple novels on my comp, etc etc. I find my spark again. And suddenly, I find myself wanting to write more.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you have something you love to do and you find yourself blocked from doing it (in a writer's block kind of sense), the best way to to solve it is to look at other people's work. Get off that island you call your ego, that subjective sandbox, and start expanding your mind -in an objective fashion.